Lesson 44

how can I use words to offer grace?

Conversations between a couple trying to resolve issues of sexual impurity can turn sour by saying too much or by presenting one’s points in an accusatory or emotional way. Many times it doesn’t help and can, in fact, make the situation worse. It’s all too easy for a wife to feel that the situation is all about her feelings when it might be God’s priority to deal with her husband’s spiritual warfare. There are times when it is better to ask questions and listen; there are other times when laying out the problem is the right thing to do. In any case, it will lead to better communication to be kind and gentle with your words.

“Over the years, when my husband’s sexual sin would come to light, I was anything but kind with my words,” Danielle recalled. “I can see now that my harsh, accusatory words and tone were not at all helpful. Now that I finally understand how horrible he felt about himself, I can only imagine how my words added to his pain. No wonder he became so defensive and refused to even try to communicate openly with me. What a difference it has made since we learned to be kinder to one another.”

God calls on us to face life’s problems from the perspective of being a Christ follower. He showed both mercy and grace to the sinners He encountered, including ourselves. By His example, He showed us how to treat others. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)