Lesson 31

Are my husband’s sins between him and God?

When their secret sins are discovered, many husbands are surprised that their wives are so upset with them. Some men say, “I love my wife, but I also love my secret pleasures.”

Beth tried to understand her husband’s indiscretions. “I read that in a man’s mind, he compartmentalizes his life. Some men view addiction to pornography as a personal battle that has nothing to do with their wives. From viewing porn, men can develop a chemical addiction to the heightened levels of dopamine associated with extraordinary pleasure. For my husband, his addiction was deeply rooted because he was exposed to porn while going through puberty. It’s not an excuse or a solution, but it helped me understand more contextually about how his words and his actions could be so disconnected.”

Beth realized it was not simply a matter of working on herself. She knew she could not look like the airbrushed images of women in porn because they are not real. “I had to trust God that He brought us together for a reason and that I would be in agreement with His plan for our lives. By separating my husband’s sexual activities as a sin and not an act against me, it protected me from feelings of not being good enough. I found freedom and confidence again when I put my hope in the Lord and not in myself or my marriage or even my husband. He made the choices he made and was accountable for those actions. It was not my fault he viewed pornography. He admitted his sin to God and to me. God is changing him in a mighty way.”