Lesson 91

How Can I Stop Nagging And Start Edifying My Husband?

“Any attempt at encouraging your husband without it being couched in an altogether positive heart motivation and appropriate speech is basically nagging and not helpful,” said Beth who still refers to herself as a recovering nagger! “This is going to sound a bit simple but I’ve found sending text messages to my husband throughout the day has really been a blessing. I will send him notes encouraging him, sharing Scripture or just letting him know I’m thinking about him. I like texting because he can read it when he has time and I get a chance to write out the words and examine them before I send. I would not recommend this for serious conversations though as I think texts can often be confusing or misread.”

One important concept for Beth is to keep a heart full of gratitude for her husband. “This was transformational for us not only in letting my husband know I appreciated him but I was focused on his positive attributes and less prone to bitterness or anger. I started thanking him regularly and shortly he caught on. Now we are just thanking each other all the time and neither of us feels like there is scorekeeping between us.”

Then Beth adds a final note: “I came to understand the importance of adding a level of clarity to our marriage relationship. If I need something from my husband, I need to tell him plainly and without casting any emotional burdens. Our husbands are not mind readers! It encouraged my husband to know I was being honest with him and that we were able to establish expectations and clear roles.”