Lesson 22

How can I begin to rebuild trust in my husband?

We can trust God to be there for us.  This is especially true when a wife learns of sexual sin in her marriage.  She knows she can trust God, but the dishonesty of her husband’s secret sins can be a lot to bear.  The trusting relationship they had has been broken.

Looking back on that season of her life, Beth said that she didn’t have a very strong relationship with the Lord before discovery.  In working through their issues, her faith deepened and it helped her process what she was going through in the larger context of God’s purpose and meaning for her life.  “Even though I didn’t fully understand it all, I knew that what I was going through was happening for a reason and it gave me hope.”

Like many couples, Beth and her husband set up computer monitoring and lifestyle changes.  On a personal level, however, rebuilding trust included adjusting her thinking.  She knew she should never 100% trust her husband in the same way that she should trust the Lord.  “I was misplacing my faith.  Only the Lord is steadfast and unchanging – holy, good, and without sin.  I cannot expect that from my husband nor can he expect that from me.  Once I let go of feeling like I needed to put all my hope and trust in my husband, I was able to trust with my heart in a more appropriate way.  We are now able to experience love and intimacy at deeper levels because I have more realistic expectations.”