Lesson 53

What Does Understanding Have To Do With Resolving Conflict?

Some conflicts seem to be recurring in marriage. One of the ongoing conflicts faced by many couples is the level of desire for physical intimacy. It can cause friction when one spouse wants sex more often than the other. Talking about the subject is difficult because timing, frequency, and availability are details that may seem clinical instead of romantic.

Beth related to this conflict above many others in her marriage. “We’ve spent countless hours talking this out, working on ourselves, and praying together for the Lord’s presence. The breakthrough I had on this was learning empathy and coming to understand that physical touch is the way that my husband gives and receives love.”

Beth’s love language is acts of service so she gives and receives love with her actions. “When I do a lot, I expect a lot in return,” she said. “Before I understood how he gave and received love, I just thought he was focused on sex. I fell into the trap of trying to measure up physically with other women. When I didn’t feel attractive, I didn’t think we were having true intimacy. It was an ‘aha’ moment when I recognized his need to shower me with his love through physical intimacy. We also began to understand the spiritual intimacy of oneness as was intended by God. I still have some work to do in this area to repair what my former selfishness and insecurity has caused.”